Where to go?

We all have family sides.

You know, the side of the family (mom or dad side) in which we are more comfortable to be with. I live here in Las Pinas, but our "Sayoc" side is in Imus Cavite. So that explains that I'm more close to my mom's side of the family. Why am I saying this? It's because I have a problem I cannot solve myself. I don't know. It might sound patethic to you, especially if one of my relatives would read this, but I feel very sad.

Kani-kanina lang, my lola (on dad's side) called us up. She told me somethng like, "kamusta na kayo diyan?" "tumatawag ba dyan papa niyo?" and I was like "opo, tumatawag naman po..." then suddenly she revealed to me that my dad's not calling her since July and she just cried. She was telling me that she could not visit here because she was always sick. But not only that, I know she was pointing out other reasons without saying it directly. I knew she felt unwelcomed here. And I don't know the family side relationship are just so bland and bitter ever since my mom and dad separated. It's like the way they treat each other are like people from a new island or something. And I cannot do anything about it, since I haven't gone through the real situation. I'm only the child of the people involved, and it is human law that I should not speak out point out my thoughts about it because I don't know how they feel.

I'm not bragging about it, ever since my mom and dad separated, people would expect me to be utterly depressed and so and so, but I'm really not. In fact, our family relationship is not complicated but rather it is wrong in the eyes of the people--or at least what the society thinks is not normal. I mean yes, I can live with it, but I can't live with the way they treat each other so unwelcomed and bitterly. Why can't they just get along even though the old relationship can't be established anymore? I feel like both sides are pressing me...sometimes I wished I could switch places with people who have "normal" family lives. I'm not saying that I hate this, I only dislike how they are unclose to each other, or how they treat each other so coldly.

For me it's not a big deal that they were separated, because I believe that in every conflict there is a bigger God who can intervene. I mean, God can make all these things work out if I prayed about it constantly. It's just that I think of it too little that sometimes basta sumagi nalang sa utak ko... then I would pray for it. I admit people give me exaggerated support everytime they hear that my parents are not together anymore because it feels the same, but we called it a different term. I mean it's much happier if they were together but I guess I can live with this. The least I can do is chose a partner for me that won't end up like this. Maybe God's teaching me how to be a stronger person, or how to chose the correct guy for me. I'm praying that all of my family will be more closer to God...I mean when can we be bonded together? Kapag may namatay na lang? Ganun na lang ba? It's so frustrating sometimes that I don't know how to even say how I feel about my situation.

And now, this 25th of December my grandmother (dad's side) are asking us to come to Cavite to join the reunion. I'm thinking twice about going...well I don't know...=x haii....:^( what if they'll ask more about my family life and if we're okay or whatsoever? Or what if they'll just snob us because we are "the children of the (no, not the corn hehe) separated folks" I mean it would be awkward for me and them. But I think I'll just go. If we won't commute shempre. Maybe if they asked me again they'll get mature answers from me than the previous years...