People Change and I Just Did

Yesterday, before New Year's Eve, something happened. Okay, okay, I'll give you a clue. Somebody contacted me. We exchanged kamustas, and what-have-you-been-up-tos, random inside jokes, our lovelives, et cetera. He told me that he got a new cellphone and we'll be texting anytime as soon as he gets his Sun Cellular sim. I knew on the phone I sound glad, and a smile was plastered on my face after the phone call. I'm somehow happy that after months of aloofness, he finally called. (Take note, this guy is my friend).

But after our family party as I went upstairs and finished some unfolded clothes left in my bed, I contemplated about it. And somehow, I knew I have become very different since we lost contact. It's not like every single thing before can go back in a split second. I can't text him in front of my mom when she's talking, I can't do that anymore. Not like before. I don't want to go back to that time line in my life, where I was stupidly doing things for my own satisfaction. I've changed. People change.

I don't even know what I'm talking about, I'm kind of confused. Bottom line is, I don't want to be someone who wallows her face in her cellphone where as a fact she's missing the best things in her life due to obsessively looking at her phone's LCD. I can't be that person anymore.

Right now, I don't even know how to like someone (as in opposite sex).
I feel so flabbergasted, jaded, tired or whatever you call it to the point that I feel so irritated when someone shows "romantic" interest to me. There are times that I want to say it out loud: "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. Can't you get a clue?" But sadly I'm not a frank person. Because I know frank people have lesser friends. I just keep it to myself and wish that people won't hope on me when they need someone to feed their egos and use me as their security blanket.

Since I've been a "crush-y" person since I was a young teenager, nobody believs me when I tell them right now that I'm not interested on anyone. As in anyone. And it feels great not to think about some stupid person who'll make you do stupid things and make you cringe out of regret later on. I hope this goes on for a long, long time. Because right now, I feel so satisfied with myself. I feel like I'm not lacking anything. I'm obsessed with this situation I'm in right now. I feel so good, so free from inhibitions. I feel like I have God, my family, and my friends. I feel so happy.