"someone who has nothing better to do"Friday Rant!! Secrets and Thoughts
I just came home from school and my legs are sore from walking. My eyes look lazy and I just feel like I need to do something productive tonight, but I know I just really can't because I feel tired. Procrastination is taking over me! So instead of doing something school-related (like studying for 2 of my finals exams on Monday), I decided to make a small rant about stuff I'm thinking about.
Insecurities
To be honest, I never really saw myself as a "totally great" person. I know at times it may not show when I'm with my friends or acquaintances, but sometimes I do feel insecure.
Not smart enough - this might be a no brainer just because I'm in UP, but sometimes I feel like I'm not smart enough when I'm with these people. I mean, I've been consistent and my class standing is on the upper half, but I really can't excel to the point that I'm the one on top. I have a hard time expressing myself spontaneously, compared to some. I'm trying to get my way though. I just feel like sometimes, no matter how much effort I put in something, it just ends up being overshadowed by a classmate which seems to shine in the eyes of my professor.
Not pretty enough - I never saw myself as a naturally pretty person. I have to dress, to wear make-up, to do lots of maintenance with my face and my body to project to the world how I want them to see me. Sometimes, I feel disheartened that some girls have all the things in this world--they have such beautiful faces and slender bodies you can ever imagine, and they don't ever have to do a thing. Forgive me if I sound ungrateful, but I know there are a lot of girls in this world who share the same thoughts. And sometimes, I do feel insecure about this. I know it's bad, but sometimes I wonder if this is the reason why nobody I intentionally admired ever admired me back.
Not rich enough - Most of the time, I don't feel comfortable around people whom lived their lives more luxuriously than I did. I'm afraid that they'll belittle my humor, my interests, my views about life, and lots of other things. I tend to recede in conversations when they talk about stuff I can hardly relate. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not rich enough to even mingle with these people. It's one of the reasons moved away from a certain group of people. I have nothing against them, honestly. It's just that I can't pretend that I can line myself with them. I just feel so different.
But who am I to degradingly think of myself as this? Does God judge me this way to make me even think that I'm not that pretty, not that smart nor rich enough? Saying these things to myself is like saying that His plans and His reasons are gruesome mistakes.
I'm throwing these thoughts away.
I know there's a reason why God put me here and why He gave this kind of life I'm in. And for that, I will always be grateful.
Insecurities
To be honest, I never really saw myself as a "totally great" person. I know at times it may not show when I'm with my friends or acquaintances, but sometimes I do feel insecure.
Not smart enough - this might be a no brainer just because I'm in UP, but sometimes I feel like I'm not smart enough when I'm with these people. I mean, I've been consistent and my class standing is on the upper half, but I really can't excel to the point that I'm the one on top. I have a hard time expressing myself spontaneously, compared to some. I'm trying to get my way though. I just feel like sometimes, no matter how much effort I put in something, it just ends up being overshadowed by a classmate which seems to shine in the eyes of my professor.
Not pretty enough - I never saw myself as a naturally pretty person. I have to dress, to wear make-up, to do lots of maintenance with my face and my body to project to the world how I want them to see me. Sometimes, I feel disheartened that some girls have all the things in this world--they have such beautiful faces and slender bodies you can ever imagine, and they don't ever have to do a thing. Forgive me if I sound ungrateful, but I know there are a lot of girls in this world who share the same thoughts. And sometimes, I do feel insecure about this. I know it's bad, but sometimes I wonder if this is the reason why nobody I intentionally admired ever admired me back.
Not rich enough - Most of the time, I don't feel comfortable around people whom lived their lives more luxuriously than I did. I'm afraid that they'll belittle my humor, my interests, my views about life, and lots of other things. I tend to recede in conversations when they talk about stuff I can hardly relate. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not rich enough to even mingle with these people. It's one of the reasons moved away from a certain group of people. I have nothing against them, honestly. It's just that I can't pretend that I can line myself with them. I just feel so different.
But who am I to degradingly think of myself as this? Does God judge me this way to make me even think that I'm not that pretty, not that smart nor rich enough? Saying these things to myself is like saying that His plans and His reasons are gruesome mistakes.
I'm throwing these thoughts away.
I know there's a reason why God put me here and why He gave this kind of life I'm in. And for that, I will always be grateful.
posted by Unknown at 7:35 PM
2 Comments:
Totally normal feeling sof a teenager....
I used to be bad about things like that, but one day i finally just realized that God made me like that for some reason, so I should just be happy about it... haha.....
yup! and there's no reason to feel sad! God works for the good of His people right?:)
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