Thoughts

In the multitudes of holiday photo albums, Christmas and Happy New Year greeting messages, people being busy for the New Year Celebration, etc, etc, I doubt if many people would bother looking into this post. But right now it doesn't really matter, as long as I get to write what's been heavy in my mind lately.=]

The past couple of weeks made me think about a lot of things in my life.

School.
This year has been one of my major turnpoints in terms of my school life. It was a major decision to transfer campuses. It was one of my greatest answered prayers, to become part of UP Manila's Speech Pathology lateral program. I still can't describe that amazing feeling I felt when I found out that I passed, along with 10 others, out of the hundreds who applied for the program. I can't thank God enough for that wonderful opportunity and I can't wait to experience the bright future ahead of me as a Speech Pathologist.

However, this sem has been a challenge for me. I am barely passing all of my Chem quizzes, and I'm still getting used to the workload given to me. I am aware that I was distracted about a lot of things. And now that I'm back to my old self, I know I can still do better, and I can work harder. I know I passed SP because God knows I can do it. Although I'm not as bright as some of my kasabayans here in UP, I know by His grace, I can do this.=]

I also kind of missed UPD. They day I went to the lantern parade, I said to myself, "Ang gandang campus naman nitong iniwan ko!". The lush environment, that feeling you get when you walk in the University Avenue, those feelings of pride, joy, and liberty of being a UP student. Hahaha. I hate to say this but sa Diliman ko talaga pinaka-naramdaman na maging isang ganap na estudyante sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas. But of course, I wouldn't trade that for my course here in UPM. Hehe.=)

Friends.
It's hard being a transferee because you can only be friends with people to a certain degree. And to add to that, I'm not a barkada person. I'm didn't join an org during my freshie days because I was so bent on having good grades. But now, I'm getting there. I'm trying to know lots of people in my stay here in UPM. As for my current friends, I do miss many of them.

Heart Issues.
I don't know what to say. Haha. The aftermath of what happened to me weeks ago was enough to make me realize that there are bigger things to think about than wishing to have someone around. I have school to think about. I have my family and friends. I have God. I know I'm happy and I'm complete.

I've never been in a relationship, and I admit that because of that, I'm so vulnerable with these things. But now, I'm back to my old self. I don't want to be extremely affected with heart matters. There are some people right now whom I really admire, but I do not wish to go into that. I want to be friends with them without having the wrong motives. I'm really praying that He will guard my heart this time around. =]

Family.
One of the things that I look forward to during holidays is spending time with my family. Although there are some people who are missing, I'm so happy that He brought us through together for another year.

My family situation isn't what I imagined it to be when I was young. But I don't let myself get affected with this because God has His reasons why certain things happen. I accepted this long time ago, and I know that I can live with it. The only thing I've been praying for so long is that there would be no more feelings of remorse or unforgiveness between people in my family. I know things will happen in the right time.

Faith.
One of the greatest things that I challenged myself this year was to finish reading the Bible in one year. It was a step of faith that I decided to do last year. And now that I'm finally done, I'm so happy. I learned a lot of things by reading the whole book.

God has been so faithful to me, in every aspect of my life. I know that I faulted Him a lot of times this year, but still, He never forgets me. He made me pass one of my most difficult subjects, He let my Lolo recover from his degenerative illnesses. It's a miracle enough to realize that He let me experience another wonderful year.

Changing for the Better.
One of my biggest weaknesses is being sensitive and insecure about a lot of things, whether it be of my academic achievements, characteristics, or physical appearance.

I compare myself with girls whom I know can be "potentially" better than me in those aspects. I constantly seek approval from other people and I make a big fuss out of everything they say, whether it be something good or bad. I try too hard to please people, to make people appreciate me the way I want them to. I'm very conscious with everything I do.

But now, I wish to change these things. I wish to care less about what other people say.

I want to be better not because I want them to see me better, but because I want to be better for myself.

I want to be beautiful not because I want them to see me as beautiful, but because I want to be beautiful for myself.

Like what a classmate's blog said,

"It was never between you and them."

I wish to break free from these chains of insecurities and just be happy and contented with myself. I know this year is a good start. With Him by my side, I know I can be better. I'm so excited with how things will happen for me this year. I'm looking forward to lots of things. Weee! =]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!:)