no idea what I'm going through

here I go again...

nobody has no idea how I'm feeling right now...actually I myself don't know how to feel. It's too much. It's like something unbearable, yet you force yourself to bear it, and the thought of actually writing about it pains you so. Knowing the fact that nobody would even care, and if you dared to tell anyone about it, that person would probably say, "suss, yun lang eh." so why bother to tell? Nobody gives a crap. I feel so much in the dumps and nobody has no idea about it. I keep this smile in front of my peers but inside I'm really breaking down. I don't know how to start off, once in a while I run to God but I think He's also telling me to spill it to other people. But to whom? They've actually never seen me cry or whatever...they would probably say "is that it?" or something similar.

I'm so sad I can't just blurt it out here...I have my name here. If I could just be another person from another time and another place I could just....