All downhill from here

[originally handwritten, Jan 1, about 11pm]

Have you ever felt like you were trying to forget about something, and you were expecting one event...one situation just so you could divert your attention in order for your mind to break away from the things you were trying to forget? But then suddenly with a split second, all the things you expected to make you feel better suddenly broke down and blew it all in your face?

Talaga nga naman. I guess it's really true. I was being too idealistic of what 'family' is being defined. Nobody's perfect. But everything's just too sucky for me these days.

Those things that I anticipated to comfort me or make me feel happy are those things that let me down.

And now I think God's really teaching me something. No one can achieve perfect bliss in this world. Not even Buddhists. Now I learned that if I lean my happiness on earthly things (like family stability, love, attention), I will just disappoint myself. I remember this verse from the Bible (I'm not good at memorrizing but here it goes):

"Seek God's kingdom first and all these things shall be added unto you..."

Maybe those things meant His abundant providence. I know God will provide but He's waiting for me to come and seek Him.

But now, as I write this entry, I realize. He already opened my heart and enlightened me about this. So now, I will redirect my paths again and align it over to Jesus' safety line. :)